Sick
by PanicAttack757
Summary: Hermione is acting strange. She starts not eating, but is it more than that? Sorry, i suck at summeries, but please r&r! Also kind of drama and angst. rating may go up. RWHG and HPGW.
1. I'm Not Hungry

Hi all!!!!! I decided to write another story. This is a little weird for me cause I don't write depressing fics, but I woke up one day and this idea popped into my head. Well, I hope you like it!! (The funny thing is that as I'm writing this, I don't even kno what the title will be!)

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.

_Sick_

_Chapter One- I'm Not Hungry_

"Hey, 'Mione," Ginny Weasley said as her best friend when she say that she had woken up.

Both girls were in there 7th year of Hogwarts, along with Ron Weasley and Harry Potter. Harry, along with Ron and Hermione, had gotten rid of Voldemort once and for all last year, skipping there last year at school. Ginny had completed her 6th year, so this year they were in the same year and all the same classes.

"Hey, Gin," the older girl replied. Ginny had noticed that she had been acting weird lately, and would often ask about it, but Hermione would gust say, 'I'm fine.'

Hermione got up and said, "I'm gonna take a shower, is that okay?"

"Yea," said Ginny. "I already took one, I've been up for a while." Hermione nodded in reply, and went into the bathroom.

It was Saturday, so Ginny didn't have to wear her uniform to day. She picked out a black shirt and a pair of jeans and sneakers and started getting ready.

When Hermione got out of the shower, she put on a pair of jeans, a red shirt and flats. Both girls brushed their hair and teeth and were about to go downstairs when Hermione asked Ginny, "do you think this shirt makes me look fat?"

Ginny was surprised by this question. She thought that Hermione was perfect, not to skinny, not chubby, and she told her this. She wondered why Hermione would ask that. She just forgot about it as they went down to breakfast, she was starving.

When they got there, Harry and Ron were already waiting for them, and had started eating already. Hermione sat next to Ron, and Ginny next to Harry. Ginny immediately reached for the closest thing to her, and started eating. Hermione just sat there, looking at the food as if the thought of eating made her sick. She just started writing a Charms essay that wasn't due until next week.

"Aren't you hungry, 'Mione?" Ron asked her.

She looked up and said, "No, I'm fine." She smiled, "Besides, I really need to do this essay."

"But it's not due until next week!" Harry replied. "Come on, you need to eat something."

"No, really, I'm fine." She tried to reassure her friends.

"You're not doing that whole SPEW thing again, are you?" Ron asked

"No, Ron." She sighed. "If I'm hungry later, I'll just go down to the kitchen and get something, okay?"

After that they stopped bugging her. Ron and Harry were talking about Quidditch, and Hermione still doing her essay. Ginny just kept eating, although she was still thinking about how Hermione was acting, and she was worried.

For the next couple of days, Hermione continued to not eat, always saying that she had already eaten. Ginny noticed that she was always looking in the mirror and asking if she looked fat. She always got the same answer, but it seamed like Hermione never believed her.

One day when she refused to eat again, Ginny said, "What is going on with you, Hermione?"

All three of her friends stared at her.

"What are you talking about, Gin?" she replied

"What the hell am I talking about? Why the hell aren't you eating?"

She just sighed. "I told you, I'm not hungry, and I already ate."

"Stop feeding us this bull shit!" she said. "You aren't eating, and I want to know why!"

"Ginny, calm down. She said she already ate. You don't need to get all worked up about it." Harry said to her.

"Well I don't believe her." Ginny said. "I want to see her eat something."

"Ginny, I'm really not hungry," said Hermione, starting to get nervous.

"It's not going to be that much." Ginny said. "Please just eat a piece of toast, and I'll leave you alone." She was starting to calm down a little. "I'm really worried about you."

"Thanks, but you don't need to worry about me," she smiled at her best friend. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll eat the toast." Even as she said this, you could tell that the idea of eating was sickening to her.

She picked up the toast, and looked at it for about a minute. After a while, started to nibble on it. When she was done she said, "Do you fell better now?"

"Yes, thank you." Ginny replied, but she was still worried by the look on her face when she was eating.

"Well," said Hermione, "I should go finish that essay Slughorn assigned," she said and ran out of the great hall.

"See, Gin," said Ron, "there's nothing to worry about."

Ginny smiled at her brother and Harry, but couldn't stop thinking about how Hermione looked when eating the toast. Something was wrong with Hermione she knew there was.

A/N: Well there's the first chapter, I hope you all like it. I still don't know what I should name this, but I will figure out soon. Please tell me what you think, I don't know if this is good or bad, but REVIEW!! And tell me what you think!! Thanks for reading!!


	2. Harry Understands

A/N: okay, here's the next chapter!! I hope you all like it!! Please review when you're done…I'll give you a cookie!!!

**Disclaimer- anything you don't recognize is mine. Everything else is J.K. Rowling's.**

Chapter 2- Harry Understands 

Hermione was still acting strange, and Harry started to notice this as well. Not only was she not eating, but also her appearance was different. She started looking pale and weak. Her eyes always had bags under them, and she was definitely skinnier.

This was also causing her grades to drop. On there last Defense Against the Dark Arts test, she had gotten a 'P.' She was also extremely tired, sometimes refusing to get up for breakfast, and missing their first class.

Ginny was very shaken by Hermione's behavior. She would often argue with her best friend, and no one knew why. Ginny would try to talk to Hermione, but she would usually just tell her not to worry. She would also try to talk to Ron and Harry, but Ron would just say everything was okay, and normally, Harry would agree.

It was the day after the Halloween feast, and everyone was stuffed. Even Hermione had eaten one or two pieces of candy, but only because she didn't have any excuse for already eating, it was the Halloween feast!

Ginny was half awake, lying in her bed, when she herd a sound coming from the bathroom. It sounded like someone was sick, and Ginny wasn't surprised, one of the girls probably had too much to eat the night before, and got sick. She turned over in her bed away from the light streaming through the window to face Hermione's bed. She started to close her eyes, but suddenly shot up.

Hermione wasn't in her bed. That wouldn't be strange if it hadn't been for the fact that she was the only girl not in her bed. Which must mean that she was in the bathroom, which was currently occupied by the puking girl. But if she was the only one up, she must be the girl puking. Which made no sense to Ginny, seeing as she had barley eaten anything the night before.

_Oh, no _she thought. _It can't be her! She really is sick!_ Ginny started freaking out. This couldn't be happening.

She got out of bed, going to see if it really _was _Hermione in the bathroom. She slowly walked across the room to the bathroom door. The sound of the girl puking made Ginny want to puke.

She gently knocked on the door. The gagging sound stopped instantly. Ginny heard her best friend say, "Who is it?"

"Oh," Ginny said, trying to sound like she hadn't heard anything weird, "Sorry I didn't know you were in there. I just wanted to take a shower." Luckily, Ginny was a very good liar.

"It's okay, I'm almost done," she replied. "Just let me brush my teeth, I just took a shower." Ginny knew it was all a lie, but went along with it anyway.

About five minutes later, Hermione exited the bathroom. "It's all yours," she said with a wary smile on her face.

Ginny just nodded in reply and walked in. It did smell like someone had just gotten sick. _Well, I guess I have to take a shower now, _she thought to her self.

After she had gotten out, she realized that she hadn't heard her friend flush the toilet, not thinking Ginny would look in there if she just needed a shower. Plus, if she had, Ginny would have suspected something. She had to look and see what was going on before she had got up.

When she pulled up the lid, Ginny felt like she was going to be sick.

Sure enough, in the toilet was vomit. She also saw something else mixed in, something red. _Oh, my god, blood!_ Ginny thought. _What is she doing to herself?_

She wanted to flush it, but knew that she couldn't. She had to show someone, and quick.

Luckily, when she got out of the bathroom, no one was in the room, they had all already gone down to breakfast, and for that, she was grateful. She got dressed in under five minutes, and ran downstairs.

When she got to the common room, she saw Harry who was also going to breakfast.

"Harry, wait!" she shouted.

He turned around and saw Ginny with tears in her eyes. "Ginny?" he asked, worried. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, Harry, thank god you're here!" she said. "Quick, you have to come." She said, starting up the girl's staircase.

"Gin, I can't get up there, you know that," he said. He really did want to help her, with whatever the problem was, but he couldn't see a way to get up the staircase without it turning into a slide.

"Come on, Harry, you're smart," she said franticly, she had to get someone to believe her. "You can think of someway to get up, just jump…or fly, or…"

"Ginny, that's it," he said, "I could fly!" he said, and ran up to his room. A minute later he came back down, firebolt in hand. "I can't believe I didn't think of this…" he said.

Ginny had already started running back up the stairs, and Harry was flying close behind her.

When they got up there Harry asked, "Okay, now what's all this about, Gin?" She still had tears in her eyes.

"Well, you know how Mione's been acting strange lately?" she asked.

Harry sighed, "Ginny, not this again, she said…"

But Ginny had cut him off, "Please, Harry, I know what you're gonna say, and I was expecting it, but please, please, please, please,_ please,_ listen to what I have to say before you tell me I'm crazy."

He nodded in defeat. She looked really scared, and he never wanted to have to see that look on her face ever again.

"Well, this morning I woke up, and heard this strange sound coming from the bathroom…" and she told Harry everything that had happened, up until the part about her getting out of the shower.

"Then what happened?" he asked nervously, not sure if he really wanted to know.

Ginny paused. Harry could tell that he was about to find out the reason why she had brought him up here, instead of just telling him this entire thing downstairs.

She took in a shaky breath, and said, "Then I realized that I hadn't heard her flush the toilet before she came out, not wanting me to hear it, and not thinking I would look."

She stood up, took Harry's hand and led him to the bathroom. "Look in the toilet," was all that she said, and all she had to say for him to understand what he was about to see.

Lifting the lid, he felt Ginny squeeze his hand for comfort, preparing for what the two were about to see.

Once Harry had seen what Hermione had done to herself, he felt his stomach drop. "Oh, shit." At this point, Ginny let the tears that were threatening to fall stain her cheeks.

He flushed the toilet, picked up Ginny, who was sobbing, and carried her to her bed. They both sat there, Harry still thinking about what he had just seen, Ginny sobbing into his chest.

He didn't have to say a thing, Ginny just knew. Somebody else finally understood. Harry understood, and that thought meant the world to Ginny.

"It's okay." Harry whispered into her ear. "Don't worry Ginny, we'll get her through this. We'll help her. She'll be fine soon…" for the next hour the two sat there, Ginny crying, Harry trying to comfort her.

A/N: Yay, I finished chapter two!!! Well I hope you all like it so far. This is the perfect ending to a perfect Christmas. Oh and I just want to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE, WHATEVER IT IS YOU CELEBRATE!! I want to post chapter three by new years, but if I don't get to HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Now, you see the little purple button at the bottom left side of the screen next to the little box that says 'Review'? Well if you press that button, and leave me a message, it will make the holidays even better!! (plus I give you a cookie!) Thanks for reading!!!!!!


	3. Not Just About the Weight

A/N: Well, here's chapter 3. I always see authors say ' I'll update when I get this many reviews' but I really don't care. I update when I want to!! Well thanks for reading!!! Please review!!! I hope you like it.

Disclaimer- I don't Harry Potter, only what you don't recognize.

Chapter Three- Not Just About the Weight 

After that moment that Ginny and Harry shared in the 7th years girls dorm, they became very close. The shared experience kept them together. Harry was Ginny support; he always gave her a shoulder to lean on. Now that Harry knew as well, they could help Hermione together. Ron, however, was another story.

He refused to believe them, completely trusting Hermione. He was also mad at Harry for believing Ginny. They wanted to get Ron to believe them. Ron loved Hermione, and Hermione loved Ron, everyone knew it, so if he was on Harry and Ginny's side, that could help a lot.

Harry and Ginny could often be seen sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room late into the night, talking. They were really worried. It had been a month sense Hermione's eating disorder began. They didn't know why she would think that she needed to loose weight. They both tried to talk to her, but she usually ignored them, only talking to Ron. Her sickness wasn't just ruining her body, but also their friendship, and her life. But they didn't know that it was more than just a need to be skinny.

Harry and Ginny were sitting by the fire, as usual, late on a Friday night, talking about Hermione. They usually talked about her at nights; being the only time no one would disturb the two. It was 11:30 and most people had gone to bed.

They didn't notice that someone was staring at them for about an hour. He needed to talk to them, he knew that, but he wasn't sure if he should, seeing as how it had to do with Hermione, and she was mad at them for saying she was sick. Though, he personally thought they were right, finally. At about 12:30, he saw that the two were about to go to bed. _This is it,_ he thought, _I have to tell them now._

"Wait!" Harry and Ginny both turned around, they thought that they were alone, but they were wrong. Harry and Ginny automatically recognized Ron's voice and were surprised that he wanted to talk to them; after all, they were in the middle of a cold war right now. He ran towards his sister and ex-best friend. "I really need to talk to you guys," he said, franticly. They were the only two who would understand.

"What do you want, Ronald?" Ginny asked, her voice sour. Harry took her hand in his to calm her down a little.

"Why don't we sit down," said Harry, trying to be civil. The two Weasley's nodded in reply. Harry and Ginny sat in their normal seat by the fire, Ron sitting across from them.

The three were silent for a moment. Ginny broke the silence by saying, "I will ask you again, what do you want, Ronald?"

"It's- it's about Mione," he said and saw that Ginny tensed and Harry was rubbing her arm to comfort her.

"What about her?" asked Harry.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, "I should have believed you, you're right, something is wrong with her."

"Why do you believe us now and not earlier?" Ginny asked, her voice still sour.

"I think I always did, a little," he said, sheepishly, "I just didn't want to get on her wrong side and have her hate me."

"So, what you're saying is you don't care if she dies, just if she still likes you?" Ginny snapped.

"Gin…" Harry said. She often acted like this, and Harry kept her under control.

"No, Ginny. It's not like that…" said Ron, scratching his ear.

"Really?" she said, getting more upset by the second, "'cause that's what it seams like to me!"

"I didn't understand, I made a mistake, Gin!" he said, hoping she would believe him.

"Fine!" she said. She felt bad about snapping at her brother, but she was always in a bad mood lately.

"That's not all I wanted to say," he said. "There's something else that I've…noticed about her."

"What is it?" Harry asked, knowing that Ginny didn't feel like talking anymore.

"I don't think her eating disorder has anything to do with her wanting to be skinny." He said, waiting for Ginny's explosion.

"So what _do_ you think it has to do with?" Ginny yelled, "Do you think that she just woke up one day and thought 'Why don't I try to kill myself by not eating! Sounds like fun!' Think logically Ron!"

"I'm serious Gin!" he said. His sister was really ticked off. "Please, you've got to believe me!"

"I will," she yelled, "if you can make sense of what you just told me!"

He sighed, "I'm sorry, Gin, please don't be mad at me."

"Sorry," she said, quietly, "I'm just really worried."

"I know, me too," he said. "Now about what I was saying before, I think it's more of a suicidal problem."

"Why do you think that, Ron?" Harry asked as Ginny tensed up again.

"Well I've seen… she tries to cover them, but…" he ran a hand through his hair, nervously. "Gin, does Hermione have access to some type of razor?"

"Yes, she shaves, of cores she does! And what the hell does that have to do with what where talking about?" She was getting angry again, it didn't take much to get her pissed off these days.

"Because I've seen cuts…on her wrists." He said.

Ginny's mood automatically changed after hearing this. "Wh-what?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"I don't think it has as much to do with her weight problem, more with wanting to kill herself." He said.

Ginny started crying, which she also seemed to be doing a lot lately. Harry held her and let her cry into his chest, and continued the conversation with Ron.

"When did you first notice this?" he asked, his voice also shaking a little.

"A couple of days ago." Ron replied.

"So you're with us now?" Harry asked. "You'll help us try to get her better?"

"Yea, sorry I didn't believe you two," Ron said.

"It's okay, at least you'll help us now." Harry said, and looked down at Ginny. "You might as well go to bed, this might take a while," he wasn't complaining, but it could take at least an hour to calm her down.

"Okay. Night Harry," he said as he walked to the staircase.

"Night, Ron," Harry replied.

"Oh, and Harry?" Ron said when he reached the bottom of the stairs. Harry looked up. "Thanks…for being there for her," he said nodding at Ginny, "she really needs you, and thanks for helping her through this."

Harry smiled, "You're welcome," he said before Ron walked up the stairs, and Harry turned his attention back to Ginny whispering soothing words in her ear.

A/N: Well there's chapter three, I hope you all like it!! Well please review even if you don't like it, and please tell me why. I'll try to update soon!! And the rating might have to go up, I'm not sure, cause of what I'm going to put in this story. But don't worry I might not!! Tell me if I should keep it or bring it up. Just warning you!! Well please review, and thanks for reading!!


	4. Suicide Notes

**A/N:** Okay, before I start the next chapter I have four things to say:

I am soooo sorry that I haven't updated in a really long time, I'm kind of having writers block. Sorry again!!

Some people were confused by chapter three, and about Hermione being suicidal. She is suicidal, and thinks that not eating will be a sure way to kill herself. But eventually, she moved on from anorexia to cutting and maybe (not telling) other things.

You might think it's weird that I thought so much about this, but this is what I though when I was suicidal, and I went through exactly what Hermione is going through in this story.

And just a word of advice… DON'T BE SUICIDAL!!! Don't cut, don't take pills, and don't be anorexic, because I know what it's like, and it's shitty, so don't do it!! please…

Okay sorry the A/N is soooo long, just needed to say that stuff. Okay! On with the story!!! (please R&R)

Chapter 4- Suicide Notes 

Hermione was sitting alone in the library. She was thinking about her friends, - well, ex-friends now- Ron, Ginny and Harry.

She thought about how she wanted to get away from this stupid world, but not away from them. They were probably the only reason she was still alive. Without them, she would have never maid it through the war. Without them, she wouldn't have a reason to tell herself to hold on, just a little longer, when she held her razor against her skin, careful not to cut to deep. She thought about what each of her ex-best friends meant to her.

Harry: Harry was probably the best friend a girl could have. He was brave, having to kill Voldemort. But he was also very shy. She remembered back to the days when he liked Cho, and when he liked Ginny. He was smart, funny and wouldn't hesitate to put his life on the line if it meant saving another. He was like the older brother she'd never had, and she loved him.

Ginny: Ginny was completely different than all of her brothers and all of her friends. She had liked Harry forever, and Hermione hoped that they would get back together, soon. Hermione could remember when they would stay up late at night to talk about what all girls like to talk about most, boys. She loved having Harry and Ron as friends, but some of the things that she told Ginny, she could never tell them. She had a fiery temper, like the color of her hair, but was also kind and would always give you a shoulder to cry on when someone _(cough Ron cough) _upset you. Ginny and her were like twins, completely different, yet the same, and she hated that it was she who maid Ginny cry every night.

Ron: She loved Ron. Always had and always would. He was never like a brother to her. She hated seeing him with Lavender, hated crying over what he had said to her. Yet, she still loved him. He was funny, and kind, and… just perfect. There was no other way to describe him. He was always there for her, until she got sick. He was smarter than everyone gave him credit for. He was the one she thought about most when watching the blood oozing down her arm. _'Why am I doing this? I would never see him again.'_ Yet she found herself still doing it. She loved him, and knew that, in the end, it would be he that would save her.

She felt tears form in her eyes. She was trying to do her Transfiguration homework, but couldn't concentrate. Instead she took out three pieces of parchment. On the first she wrote:

_Dear Harry,_

I am so sorry that I have to do this. Also I am sorry that I am making you go through all of this, because of me. I just wanted to say a few things, incase things get worse and I kill myself

_Obviously, if you are reading this, I am dead. And I wanted to say my last goodbyes. I want to tell you that I love you, and you are one of the main reasons I am not already dead, and am writing this to you. Without you, Ginny and Ron, I would have killed myself right after the war. _

_The war is one main reason I'm not here right now. Going through that maid me realize all of the bad things in this life, and I just wanted to end it as soon as possible, not wanting to have to go through that again. I know the war is over, but I just couldn't take it, I had to go. _

_I am crying as I am writing this, thinking that I may never be able to see your face again. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been my friend._

_I also want to, before I go, tell you to get back together with Ginny. She loves you and I know you love her too. I want to go knowing that you two lived a happy life together._

_I'm sorry, thank you for everything, and I love you._

_Love,_

Hermione 

Hermione folded up the letter, and took out the second piece of parchment, and started writing the second letter.

_Dear Ginny,_

_I'm sorry for all that I have put you through in the last couple of months. Please forgive me. I'm sorry I got so upset with you, and didn't ask for your help. I'm sorry that every night you cry, worrying about me. I wanted to give you this letter, before I go._

_You were my best girlfriend. I could tell you anything. You were always there for me, and anyone really, when I could talk to no one else. I don't know why I couldn't tell you about this._

_I am already gone and I want you to know that I love you, and would have never maid it this far without you. You were one reason that I would think about stopping cutting and start eating again. _

_I hate myself for doing this to you, Harry and Ron. I love you all, but in my mind, this is the right thing to do. Just thinking that I might never see you again scares me. Please never make the same mistake I did._

_Also, please get back together with Harry. I want to know that you two were able to be happy, after what I have done to you. You two were maid for each other_

_Thank you, for all you have done for me. I am sorry, again that you have to go through this, and I love you._

_Love,_

_ Hermione_

By the time Hermione had gotten to Ron's letter, she was sobbing. She knew that if her friends ever read these notes, they would be able to tell that she was crying while writing them. Ron's would be the toughest; she knew that, which is why she had saved it for last. Once she had calmed down a little, she began writing.

_Dear Ron,_

_I don't really know what to say. I am sorry that I maid you go through this, and I love you. Not in at brotherly way, but I love you, and I always have. I wish I could have told you before I killed myself, and I'm sorry I didn't. It's okay if you don't feel the same way about me; I just really needed to tell you._

_I'm sorry to be telling you all of this now; it must be hard enough that I'm dead. I can't believe what I did to you guys, shutting you out when you only wanted to help me. And now I feel like a hypocrite. To Ginny I told her not to do what I did, yet I didn't stop myself. I know I keep saying it but I'm sorry to be pouring my heart out to you like this._

_I want you to be able to move on from me, now that I'm gone. Please don't linger on what we could have been together (if you do love me like I love you). I want you to have a great life and not worry about me._

_Thank you for everything you have done for me. From that day when you saved me from the troll in first year, to taking that Cruciatous curse for me during the war._

_I'm so sorry for all I have done, and thank you for all you have done for me. I don't deserve to be friends with you Harry and Ginny. I love you so much, more than anything in this universe. _

_Love Always,_

_Hermione_

She was still crying when she got back to Gryffindor tower. Thankfully, no one was there. She went upstairs, and put the letters that she had just written into envelopes, also labeling whom each one belonged to.

'_If anything ever happens, I can just get life over with and give these notes to them. Everything will be fine'_ She thought. _'Everything will be fine.'_

She put them in the small pocket of her bag, where she kept spare quills. She lay down on her bed and fell asleep, promptly forgetting about the letters.

"Hey, Mione?" Ginny asked on Monday morning through the bathroom door.

"Yea?"

"Do you have a quill I could borrow? I don't have any more." She had forgotten to pick up some more last Hogsmead trip.

"Yea sure, there in the smaller part of my bag," she replied, yelling through the bathroom door; Hermione was taking a shower, or else she would have gotten it herself.

"Thanks!" The two girls may not have been friends any more, but they would still borrow things from each other, if needed.

Ginny went into the small compartment of Hermione's school bag. There were other things in there- parchment, ink, a book- and all of the quills were at the bottom of the bag. She pulled everything else out of the bag and put it on the floor. When she had found a quill, she started putting everything back in her bag. As she was doing this, something caught her eye.

It was three envelopes, each labeling whom it was for. The three names were Ron's, Harry's and her own.

She put everything else back, and put the letters in her pocket before going to join Harry and her brother for breakfast, thankful that Hermione wasn't there to see her take the letters.

**A/N:** Well there's chapter four, I hope you like it. I thought it was about time that we saw what was going on in Hermione's head, instead of just Ginny and Harry. Sorry about the super long A/N at the beginning. PLEASE REVIEW!!!

….i'll give you a cookie….


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